Mad Love
by Lulu the Brave
Summary: Love comes at a price. But is uncertainty the price to be paid? {AU}
1. Prologue

_"Come on skinny love, just last the year."_

"What is your name?"

"Toby Cavanaugh."

"Do you know why you are here?"

"Yes."

"Can you tell me why?"

"I tried to kill myself."

"Why did you try to kill yourself?"

"I betrayed her."

"Who is 'her?'"

"Spencer Hastings."

"Do you know where she is?"

"No."

* * *

"Sweetie, what's your name?"

"..."

"Do you know why you're here?"

"..."

"Can you tell me why you're here?"

"Toby..."

"Who is Toby?"

"Dead..."

"What is your friend's name?"

"Toby Cavanaugh."

"Do you know where he is?"

"No."


	2. A Musical Meeting

_"Let the __**{**__rain__**}**__wash away__ all the pain of __**yesterday**__..."_

Spencer sat at the piano at wall of the room. Earlier that day, she had woken up and the first thing she did was ask about Toby. She thought that he was dead, she was almost positive that he was dead. She saw him and he was _dead_. But they said that he was fine, just fine. But what on Earth did that mean? If he was dead, he wasn't fine, was he? Or maybe she wasn't fine, because he _was_ fine. Spencer thought about all of this as she idly played the same four or five notes on the old percussive instrument. The whole situation of her being in Radley and not knowing if Toby was alive or not made her stomach churn, and not just because of the current condition she was in, either.

Everything that had happened in the past two weeks stayed in her mind, it wouldn't go away no matter how she tried to push those thoughts out of her head. Why did she have to get involved? Why did he do things? But there was still one burning question that remained seared into the back of her brain: Did he ever truly love her or was it all just an act? Images of Mona laughing at a table as he told her what they had been doing haunted her and all she wanted to do was punch somebody in the face.

As Spencer continued to drown in her sea of thoughts, somebody walked into the common area. And it wasn't until she heard her name being whispered by the all too familiar voice that she noticed him. The word rang in her ear "Spencer...?" And she turned to face blue eyes, but they weren't as lively as they once were. They seemed dull and glassy, like they had been deprived of happiness and love, love, love_... _She didn't even believe that he could love any more, but as she stared into his eyes, her heart dropped.

"Toby..." The name left her lips softly and slowly, her whole head was starting to spin at this point. In circles, circles, circles... "W-What are you d-doing here?" Spencer thought that she was seeing things, she had to be delusional. She was going insane, otherwise she wouldn't have been there, right?

Toby sat down next to her on the piano bench and Spencer slid over to make room for him before he began to speak in a hollow voice, much like the one that he used to speak in before they had gotten to know each other, "I've been here for two weeks, after-" Toby stopped himself and looked at the keys of the piano. "What are _you_ doing here?"

Spencer's hands moved away from the piano as she stared at the boy that she had found herself falling in love with. But now she was just falling, falling, falling... "I-I thought you were dead."

"Dead? What made you think that?" Toby's eyes squinted slightly like they always did when he was confused about something. Spencer had seen that look all too much.

Especially when she was keeping something from him and he knew something was up. It was look for confusion, but it was also his look for 'I see you right through you.' Both of which had been common in the past. "I saw your body, in the woods, it was your tattoo, your bike, everything. I saw it last night. You were _dead_." Spencer wasn't giving up on that theory.

Slowly, Toby had started to play on the piano, smoothly and carefully. Like he had been practising for a recital of some sort. Spencer was surprised by this, she had no idea that he could play the piano. And he still spoke as he played, "It's obviously not me, I've been here for two weeks. It must have been somebody else."

"Yeah..." Spencer was scared to tell Toby what she _really_ needed to tell him. But how would he react? Especially if he didn't really love her or was still apart of the A-Team. Instead of just getting up because what were they now, she stayed on the piano bench and leaned her head on his shoulder as he played the piano so beautifully, beautifully, beautifully... She watched, mesmerized by hands moving so easily across the ivory keys. She hummed along softly, the music was Beethoven, anyone could guess it if they had had a typical music education.

When the song was finished, Toby moved his head to rest atop of Spencer's. He whispered softly so that nobody could hear, he was obviously very aware of his surroundings, "Meet me in the old children's wing at ten. Lights out is at eight, the guards stop paying attention at eight thirty, and the nurses are off at nine. There aren't any security cameras in that wing. I want to talk somewhere less..." He glanced over at the nurse that was heading their way, "public."

The nurse had tapped Toby's shoulder, forcing Spencer to move from her position and Toby turn away from her. "Mr. Cavanaugh, you need to take your medicine now. It's getting awfully late." Spencer looked at the clock, it was only five o'clock.

"I'll be there in a few seconds, just let me say goodbye to Spencer." The nurse made face as if to say 'hurry up then.' Toby smiled very slightly at Spencer as he stood up, "Goodbye, Spencer." And with that, the nurse took Toby's arm and pulled him into his room for his medicine. Which left Spencer sitting alone, yet again, on the piano bench. She slammed her head onto the keys with a very loud and annoying smash of clashing keys and one of the nurses promptly pulled her away from the instrument and into her room.


	3. The Children's Wing

_"Well, I've seen __**fire**__ and I've seen __**{**__rain__**}**__..."_

Spencer listened to the clock on the wall as well watched the hands as they moved slowly, slowly, slowly..._Tick. _**Tock. **_Tick._** Tock. **He said ten o'clock. It was nine forty-five on the nose. Should she leave then or in five minutes? Her stomach churned, her arm moved to touch her abdomen protectively, though it was useless. Nothing could hurt her here, right? Spencer wasted no time, she slid off of the uncomfortable bed and open the door, it was fairly simple. They were supposed to lock the doors, but maybe it was broken. Or maybe Toby had rigged it before making his way to the children's wing himself. He had always been good at those sorts of things.

As the door closed behind her, Spencer looked about the dark corridors carefully. Why she trusted him so much now, after all that he had done to her, she didn't know. But she still had that trust. Maybe it was because of her condition. The condition that she found out about two weeks ago and still hadn't told him because she was scared of his reaction. Things had gone horribly, dreadfully wrong in the past two weeks. But just as Toby had said, there was no one to stop her from escaping her room and going to the children's wing.

Practically running down the hall, even though there was no reason, Spencer followed the old and dusty signs that pointed to the children's wing. It was terrible to see that even kids had been in this place. No child deserved to be in such a dreadful state that they had to come to Radley Sanitarium. As she neared the end of the correct hallway, she saw a door that separated the wing from the rest of the sanitarium. It read "CHILDREN'S WING." Pretty obvious, if you asked her. The door was slightly ajar, she assumed that Toby was already in there.

The assumption was correct. As Spencer walked into the wing, she was met with eyes that were so blue, blue, blue... "Spencer." That's how he greeted her. A blank saying of her name. His voice was still so hollow, hollow, hollow... He was wringing his hands together, his leg shook ever so slightly, his hair fell into his face. His hair. It was unkempt, tangled, longer that it had been in the last time she saw him. She missed the old him, the one who smiled when he saw her. The one with the voice that could just make her melt. The one who was confident in his stride.

And that's when she crumbled. Spencer fell to her knees in front of him. Her hair fell in front of her face, unbrushed and tangled, curly and crazy. It shielded her face as tears started to stream down her face. Within seconds, she felt the strong arms of the one she loved wrap around her waist and pull her to him. She felt safe in his arms, but she was still afraid, afraid, afraid... His lips touched her ear as she leaned into his chest. Spencer could feel his heartbeat, it was steady, soothing, calming. Toby pushed her hair out of her face gently as her fingers gripped his arms. She never cried, it showed weakness in her mind. But she saw nothing but strength in the man who had given her hope and taken it away. Even when he cried, he was still so strong, strong, strong...

The heat emanating from Toby's body warmed Spencer to the bone. Tears continue to fall in waterfalls on either side of her face as she whispered, "Why did you do it?"

Toby whispered back, his eyes some place else, "I thought I was protecting you, but I only made you worse. I'm so sorry Spencer, I never meant for any of this to happen..." He kissed her forehead and his lips lingered ever so slightly before he pulled away, "Please forgive me."

But how could she forgive him? He had betrayed her in ways that she couldn't even fathom. And yet she still found herself safe in his arms. "I-I forgive you, Toby." Spencer took one of his hands in hers and nodded, "I love you." She looked into his eyes with a small, reassuring smile. "And I want you to remember that when I tell you this next thing..."

Toby's eyes filled with concern at her last sentence. And Spencer could see it written all over his face. God only knew what he was imagining in his head. Probably the worst. Though to Spencer, it kind of was the worst. Because her entire life was going to change for better or for worse and she had no idea which end of the spectrum this was going to fall under. "What do you need to tell me, Spence?"

_Spence_. That nickname, it made her heart beat flutter. She blinked to keep herself from crying any more and when she opened her eyes, she stared at her hands for what felt like forever in the darkest of silences. She could feel his eyes on her. And every second she didn't say anything, the worse it was going to get. She debated on whether or not to say it, but it came out anyway: "I'm pregnant."


	4. Comfortable Silence

_"Just__** yesterday **__morning, they let me __**{**__know__**}**__ that you were __gone__..."_

Spencer finally said it out loud. Those words finally meant something to her. It wasn't just a secret among herself any more, somebody else knew. Not only that, Toby was on the A-Team, or at least he was. She felt his heartbeat; it was faster, more panicked. She looked at him, his blue eyes widened to the extreme. They looked as though they were going to fall right out of his head. This made Spencer want to vomit, the way he was reacting did not make her feel any better about the situation. "Is it mine?"

"Of course it's yours, who else's would it be?" Spencer's eyebrows furrowed at him. Yes, she did get drunk and make out with Wren that one time, but she didn't sleep with him, or at least she thought she hadn't. But she wanted it to be Toby's, so badly. Toby gave a light shrug in response, but he didn't say anything else. His heart beat had slowed tremendously, but it was still faster than normal. "P-please, say something. Anything."

Toby pulled her close to his chest at this. His arms, they were so protective of her. She understood why, too. They were in Radley Sanitarium for who knew how long and they were going to be parents. Spencer could only imagine what they would do with the child if the pair wasn't out before the nine months was over, over, over... She curled into him, the warmth of his body enveloping her. Then he spoke, and she could hear his voice echo through her ears, "In all honesty, I'm terrified. In all forms of the word." His voice shook slightly and she could feel the panic coursing through him. She took his hands in hers gently to reassure him. At that, he calmed slightly, "What are we going to do, Spence?"

"I have no idea." And she really had no clue as to how she was going to handle this. She had other things to worry about. There was senior year, college, getting a job, all of these things that were important and they multiplied as she realised that a month ago they weren't as important as now, when she was going to have to support a child. "I'm not killing it." Spencer whispered almost inaudibly. Her beat was racing and she had no idea what she was going to do. Adoption was a choice, but she didn't like the idea of somebody else raising her child.

Spencer could feel Toby nod in response. His chin pushed her hair slightly upward, only making it worse than it already was. "D-do you want to keep it?" Spencer only nodded in response, her fingers curling around the plain t-shirt that hung loosely off of her partner. "Does anybody else know?" She shook her head. It was only Toby who had the knowledge of this dilemma. After all, it was his child. Or at least, she thought it was. The last month had been a blur.

Neither said another word, but just sat on the cold floor of the Children's Wing for hours cuddled up next to each other. Toby played with Spencer's ill kept hair and her, his shirt. It was silent, but it was comfortable silence, silence, silence... The only sound was that of their breathing and it was all it took for Spencer to feel safe enough to fall asleep in Toby's arms.

But that too had to end, for the sun was rising and he couple awoke at the dawn of another day. Though neither of them moved, moved, moved... It was almost as if both had thought; let them find us here, for we're not insane at all. When Toby was fully aware of himself, he leaned down and kissed Spencer gently before the pair watched the sunrise flood into the haunting room through barred windows.

From outside the door, noises of panic could be heard quite clearly. "I guess the nurses found us missing." Toby whispered with a soft chuckle. Still, they didn't move. Even when the footsteps of angry security guards and fuming nurses were coming closer and closer to the doorway, they did not flinch. They stayed calm and poised and waited for the revelation that was upon them. Toby held Spencer's hand and caressed the back of it with his thumb, making Spencer close her eyes with a slight smile.

Then all at once, the door opened and the sight of shocked nurses made Spencer and Toby laugh in unison. Their veins were quite visible and they looked as though they were about to burst. One of the nurses cut the couple off, "Stop it. Right this minute. Go back to your rooms, you're not allowed meeting privileges for the next week. And don't try to sneak out again."

Spencer stood first, pulling Toby up for she was still holding his hand. And they didn't let go of each other, but simply pushed past the party of angry nurses and doctors back to their opposite rooms. But before they entered their rooms, Spencer pulled Toby to her. "We are going to sneak out again, right?"

Toby made a soft noise as if it were the stupidest question she had ever asked him, "Of course." Toby kissed her forehead before disappearing into his plain and Spencer too resided to her own dreadful for the rest of the day, day, day... That was, until she saw an all too familiar face at the window of her room: Wren Kingston.


End file.
